Suck Button: Off
Monday, May 3/04, Vancouver.
The rehearsals continue. I have been envious of the rest of the band for being able to be at home during this work period. Luke and I are the only ones who live in Toronto. He has family here though, and is the kind of guy who would be happy anywhere with a guitar strapped on. This week I feel like I have passed through an initial adjustment checkpoint. The first of many, I’m sure. As happy as I am to be here, singing with Sarah as I have hoped to do for many years, the time away from home and new husband has already been a test of endurance. Until this week I was beginning to wonder how on earth I would make it. The tour hasn’t even begun!
The secret:
To Rebel = Bad.
To Commit = Good.
By that I mean I was in some sort of denial that this is now my life. I was rebelling, not against anyone but against the situation. I think I thought I could treat the chunks of time away on tour as breaks from my home life, whereas of course, the truth is it’s the other way around. All touring musicians know that. I used to know that too but I guess I forgot it the minute I got married.
Then, a week turned into 2, then 3 and I noticed I was in a good mood. ‘Wha-happen?’ (quote: A Mighty Wind, for my friend Andres' benefit).
At some indiscernible moment in the countless hours I’ve spent by myself in Vancouver since April 9, it started to get easier. My e-mails to friends back at home were now jauntily-titled: ‘I bought a digital camera!’ instead of the pitiful: ‘My Life As I Used To Know It’.
I woke up in the morning without that 5-second panic-stricken: ‘where the hell am I?’ freakout. We’ve all had them. Optional: they can be accompanied by a ‘who the hell are you?’, but those days are over for me. I got enuf to worry about.
You can only avoid those wake-up-freakouts in a new place if you:
a) have insomnia (which I don’t), or
b) go to bed fully aware of and at relative peace with where you are and what you are doing there.
So, I’m committed. I was always professionally committed, it just took a few weeks of boot camp to turn my Suck Button off. *
Besides, my husband’s coming here to see me this week for 7 days.
xo KR
____________
* Suck Button: the term is taken from the current Sarah McLachlan rehearsals, used by oneself to describe ‘bad playing’ on the part of one’s own self. Ie: ‘I had the Suck Button on for that one, can we go again?’ I believe the term was first coined by Sean Ashby but is now up for grabs and used readily by all, not excluding Sarah. In lifting the term here, I am imbuing the word ‘suck’ with its other Crybaby connotation.
The rehearsals continue. I have been envious of the rest of the band for being able to be at home during this work period. Luke and I are the only ones who live in Toronto. He has family here though, and is the kind of guy who would be happy anywhere with a guitar strapped on. This week I feel like I have passed through an initial adjustment checkpoint. The first of many, I’m sure. As happy as I am to be here, singing with Sarah as I have hoped to do for many years, the time away from home and new husband has already been a test of endurance. Until this week I was beginning to wonder how on earth I would make it. The tour hasn’t even begun!
The secret:
To Rebel = Bad.
To Commit = Good.
By that I mean I was in some sort of denial that this is now my life. I was rebelling, not against anyone but against the situation. I think I thought I could treat the chunks of time away on tour as breaks from my home life, whereas of course, the truth is it’s the other way around. All touring musicians know that. I used to know that too but I guess I forgot it the minute I got married.
Then, a week turned into 2, then 3 and I noticed I was in a good mood. ‘Wha-happen?’ (quote: A Mighty Wind, for my friend Andres' benefit).
At some indiscernible moment in the countless hours I’ve spent by myself in Vancouver since April 9, it started to get easier. My e-mails to friends back at home were now jauntily-titled: ‘I bought a digital camera!’ instead of the pitiful: ‘My Life As I Used To Know It’.
I woke up in the morning without that 5-second panic-stricken: ‘where the hell am I?’ freakout. We’ve all had them. Optional: they can be accompanied by a ‘who the hell are you?’, but those days are over for me. I got enuf to worry about.
You can only avoid those wake-up-freakouts in a new place if you:
a) have insomnia (which I don’t), or
b) go to bed fully aware of and at relative peace with where you are and what you are doing there.
So, I’m committed. I was always professionally committed, it just took a few weeks of boot camp to turn my Suck Button off. *
Besides, my husband’s coming here to see me this week for 7 days.
xo KR
____________
* Suck Button: the term is taken from the current Sarah McLachlan rehearsals, used by oneself to describe ‘bad playing’ on the part of one’s own self. Ie: ‘I had the Suck Button on for that one, can we go again?’ I believe the term was first coined by Sean Ashby but is now up for grabs and used readily by all, not excluding Sarah. In lifting the term here, I am imbuing the word ‘suck’ with its other Crybaby connotation.
posted by Kathryn Rose (aka KR) at 10:24 p.m.
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